The Key to Success
by Centra-gal86
Summary: Ever wonder how the wizarding world advertises businesses? Well, it'll never be the same after Ron Weasley gets a hold of it. And you know what they say, go what with works. A series of 1-shot advertising endeavors by your favorite characters!
1. Prologue: Dream Team, Magic Users

Summary: Ever wonder how the wizarding world advertises businesses? Well, it'll never be the same after Ron Weasley gets a hold of it. And you know what they say, go what with works. A series of 1-shot advertising endeavors by your favorite characters!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own the character-JKR- and I don't own the song either- Chip and Dale theme song.  
  
The Key to Success Prologue: Dream Team, Magic Users  
  
"Come on, Harry. We need to think of some promo!" Hermione said, exasperated, looking over the many pages of hopelessly stupid ideas.  
  
The Dream Team had just graduated from Hogwarts a few months ago and had decided to go into business together so they could easily keep in touch. For a while it had been hell trying to decide what to do, they were amateurs at everything. But, as Harry had pointed out so clearly several times, they were already experienced mystery solvers, what with their time spent at Hogwarts, they were pros!  
  
Ron and Hermione had instantly loved the idea and the three had set about starting their own private detective service. However, they had yet to catch so much as a single customer. Hermione supposed it was because the wizarding community was used to using the Ministry to solve their problems.  
  
But all that aside, the three had tried practically everything. Their prices were rock bottom low, posters were hanging all over the place in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade, they had even gotten Dumbledore to send flyers with the yearly Hogwarts letters. Yet nothing seemed to work.  
  
"Who would have thought that being the Boy-Who-Lived would get people to expect me kill Voldemort, but wouldn't help in the least with promoting our business?" Harry asked, jokingly with a hint of seriousness.  
  
"You already defeated Voldemort," Hermione said, massaging her temples.  
  
Harry looked up from the papers he was looking over, "And what did I get for it? A measly Order of Merlin, First Class."  
  
Hermione looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "Oh, shut it, Potter, and get back to work."  
  
With that she threw a pillow at him which he easily caught and threw back at her, catching her off guard. She fell out of her chair to the wood floor before clambering back to her feet and mock-glaring at him.  
  
"I suppose you thought that was funny?"  
  
Harry, who was busy laughing, stood up and hugged her, "Come on, 'Mione. You need to relax. We'll find something that'll work. . .Ron's supposed to be getting back with his 'brilliant' idea any minute now."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes, "If this one has anything to do with me going to the bar in my under garments again, he'll have another black eye before you can say Merlin."  
  
Harry laughed again and went back to his papers. But just as he sat down, however, the door burst open and in came Ron with a bag in his hand and a huge smile on his face.  
  
"Harry! Hermione! I've got it this time! This one'll work for sure!" he exclaimed excitedly, running over to them and hugging each enthusiastically.  
  
"What have you got this time, Ron?" Hermione asked, sounding as though she'd rather not hear it.  
  
Ron smiled gaily at her, "Don't sound so disbelieving, Herms. Dumbledore helped on this one."  
  
"Dumbledore helped you?" Harry asked and Ron nodded, "See, Hermione. I told you it'd be okay."  
  
Hermione pursed her lips, "Hmm. . .So what's the idea this time, Ron?"  
  
Ron opened the bag he had brought with him and took out an ordinary Muggle television and set it on a nearby table, "If this one doesn't roll them in, I don't know what will!"  
  
"Ron. . . We're trying to advertise to the *wizarding* world. . .not the muggles," Harry said slowly, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder.  
  
Ron rolled his eyes and shrugged Harry's hand off, "I *know* that, Harry. This is just so I can show you guys as we don't have a fire place in here."  
  
"Why would that make a difference?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Because, *Hermione,* in a few minutes, everyone in the wizarding world is going to know about our business," Ron said, glowing.  
  
Harry's and Hermione's eyes widened and they looked at each other before turning back to Ron.  
  
"Ron, what did you do?" Hermione asked, carefully.  
  
"I made a commercial!" Ron beamed.  
  
"What!?" his two friends shouted at the same time.  
  
"Without us!?" Hermione screeched.  
  
"Calm down. Merlin. You're acting like I didn't put you in it or something," Ron said, now fiddling with the buttons on the TV.  
  
"We didn't do anything!" Harry exclaimed.  
  
Ron turned to him, "Yeah you did."  
  
"What?"  
  
The question was left unanswered, however, as the TV finally turned on. Dumbledore's picture was sitting behind his desk in his office, smiling at the camera.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Hello, my fellow witches and wizards. Today, I have been asked by an old pupil of mine to help get the word out about a business he and his friends have started up-"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Harry and Hermione took a brief break from watching the screen to look at Ron who was beside himself with excitement. Rolling their eyes, they turned their attention back to the TV where Dumbledore was still talking.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"-So it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you Mr. Ron Weasley, representative and founding member of the Dream Team Detective Service. DTDS for short."  
  
The TV cut to a shot of Ron standing in front of the lake at Hogwarts, "Hello. My name is Ron Weasley. I, along with my friends, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, have founded a detective service for all you people out there who have a mystery that you need solved-"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Once again, Harry and Hermione cast a glance at Ron who was now entranced with watching himself and didn't notice the two looking at him.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Each year at Hogwarts, we not only maintained good grade averages, but we solved mysteries by the handful. In our first year, we stopped Voldemort's forces from obtaining the Philosopher's Stone. In our second, we solved the mystery of the Chamber of Secrets. Third year, we saved the innocent Sirius Black from being given the kiss. Skip ahead a few years, and we even proved his innocence-"  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Ron! I thought we agreed to keep the whole Sirius thing to ourselves!" Hermione cried out.  
  
"Well. . . Everyone knows he's innocent now, besides, it makes for great promotion!"  
  
Harry and Hermione simultaneously smacked their hands to their foreheads and shook their heads in disbelief.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"-So sit back and relax as our commercial gets seen for the first time ever. . ." Ron concluded and the scene cut.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"I wrote the song, myself!" Ron beamed at his friends.  
  
"It's a song. . ." Harry said in disbelief as he collapsed into a nearby chair, "Hermione. . .he wrote a song."  
  
Hermione nodded her head dumbly, "I heard."  
  
~*~*~  
  
{Sometimes, some crimes  
  
Go slipping through the cracks}  
  
Opens with a shot of the first message written on the wall in their second year.  
  
"The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir beware."  
  
The Dream Team reads the message and look at Mrs. Norris as the rest of the school comes up on the scene.  
  
{But these three, gumshoes  
  
Are picking up the slack}  
  
Sixteen year old versions of the three turn away from Dumbledore, exasperated at the lack of help. They lean into each other and Harry pulls the invisibility cloak and Marauder's Map out of his robes, making the other two smile deviously.  
  
{There's no case too big  
  
No case too small  
  
When you need help just call}  
  
The black mark appears in the sky as the three run through the grounds of the Quidditch play offs, staring up at the sky's new decoration. Cuts to Harry sitting in Potions class, lighting a Filibuster firecracker under his desk before throwing it over into Malfoy's cauldron. Once it explodes Hermione sneaks out of the room.  
  
{D-D-D-Dream Team  
  
Magic Users}  
  
With the first "D" came a candid shot of Harry, quickly followed by a shot of Hermione with the second "D", and than a shot of Ron with the last "D". Then a picture of the three of them smiling at the camera came up.  
  
{D-D-D-Dream Team  
  
When there's danger}  
  
Eleven year olds Harry, Ron, and Hermione scream as Fluffy wakes up from her sleep. The three quickly jump down the trapdoor.  
  
{Oh no, it never fails  
  
Once they're involved}  
  
Hermione hands Harry and Ron each a cup of Polyjuice Potion. They drop their hairs in before looking grimly at each other and drinking it.  
  
{Somehow whatever's wrong  
  
Gets solved}  
  
The three stand in the Shrieking Shack with their wands pointing at Snape, Sirius and Remus behind them. Then it quickly cut to Fudge handing Sirius his freedom papers as well as his house deed and key to his Gringotts vault.  
  
{D-D-D-Dream Team  
  
Magic Users}  
  
The Dream Team sits in a compartment on the train to Hogwarts. Harry tells Ron and Hermione about how Sirius Black is supposedly after his blood. Suddenly, the lights go out.  
  
{D-D-D-Dream Team  
  
When there's danger}  
  
Harry and Ron stand back to back in the Forbidden Forest, Aragog's children surrounding them. Ron looks like he's about to pee in his pants as Harry pulls out his wand and shouts a spell at one of the spiders.  
  
{Oh no, it never fails  
  
They'll take the clues  
  
And find the  
  
Where's and why's and who's}  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione sit in the common room late at night during their last year at Hogwarts. They are looking over papers and various odds and ends, thinking carefully. Suddenly, Hermione bolts up and starts talking excitedly with the other two. When she finishes, they are all beaming at finding it out and race out of the common room.  
  
{D-D-D-Dream Team  
  
Magic Users}  
  
Ron and Hermione run into a dark, dingy room over to Harry who's on his hands and knees, Voldemort lying, dead, a few feet away. They help him to his feet and the three scurry away as fast as they can as the walls to the room shake violently.  
  
{D-D-D-Dream Team  
  
When there's danger  
  
D-D-D-Dream Team}  
  
It closed with a zooming out shot of the three of them standing in front of their headquarters, a nice looking building out in the countryside in front of a mountain and beside a lake.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Harry and Hermione gaped openly at the TV as it went blank. Their eyes were nearly bugging out of their heads as Ron looked at them expectantly.  
  
"Well?" he asked, smiling.  
  
"What was that!?" Hermione exclaimed loudly.  
  
"That," Ron said, crossing his arms, "was a work of art."  
  
"Where did you get those scenes from!? There was no camera following us around on our adventures!" Hermione shrieked.  
  
Ron smiled mischievously, "That's for me to know and you to find out."  
  
"But! . . .Harry! Talk some sense into your friend!"  
  
Harry snapped out of the trance like state he had been in, still staring at the TV, and turned to Ron before frowning and walking over to him.  
  
"Ron," Harry said seriously, "That's was the bomb!"  
  
Ron's smile doubled at that and Hermione hunched over in exasperation as Harry continued, "How'd you come up with something like that!? Why didn't you let me in on it!?"  
  
"I knew you'd like it, Harry! And sorry, but someone had to keep Hermione here busy while it was in the making," Ron said, casting a glance at her.  
  
"Oh, okay then. You'll let me help with the next one, won't you?" Harry asked enthusiastically.  
  
"Sure-"  
  
"Hey!" Hermione cried, "Who said there's going to be another one! We're going to be made a laughing stock if we show that the world."  
  
"Sorry, Herms. I told you already. Everyone did see it. . .everyone near a fireplace anyway. . ." Ron led off.  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
"Lighten up, Hermione. You have to admit, it's a better idea than either of us came up with," Harry reasoned.  
  
Hermione scowled and was about to say something when a loud rumbling reached their ears.  
  
"What's that?" Ron asked with a hint of nervousness.  
  
"How should I know?" snapped Hermione, still peeved about the commercial.  
  
Suddenly, hoards of owls came swooping into the room, dropping pieces of parchment, before leaving. It continued for nearly five minutes before the three were finally left in peace again.  
  
Hermione had her hand clutched over her heart, "What was *that*!?"  
  
Harry picked up a piece of parchment and read it before looking and smiling, "Looks like we have a job."  
  
"What!?" Ron and Hermione shouted at the same time.  
  
Both rushed over and collided with Harry before knocking him out of the way and reading the paper. When they were through, Ron stuck his tongue out at Hermione.  
  
"See, told you!"  
  
"Oh shut up, Ron!" Hermione said, crossing her arms, "It's a coincidence."  
  
"Must be a pretty big coincidence than. Look. They're all requests for our help," Harry said from his place on the floor where he had read several more.  
  
"Yes! Oh! Who rocks now, Hermione!" Ron said, dancing in circles, "What have you got to say now, Hermione? Huh?"  
  
Hermione looked between the two of them, then to the parchment, then back to the two of them and smiled, "I say, when's the next commercial shoot?"  
  
"That's what I wanted to hear!" Ron exclaimed, "Whoo hoo! Now we're in business!"  
  
Harry, who had by now stood up, Ron, and Hermione hugged briefly. When they broke apart, they high fived each other, "D-D-D-Dream Team!"  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yay! It's the first humor story I've written in a while. . . Hope I haven't lost my touch! I LOVE this story! Come on, you have to admit it; the song does fit the three, doesn't it? I knew it! Yay! I just have one favor to ask you. . .see that button down there? Click it and leave me a nice little (or long) review! Thanks! 


	2. Ch1: Camp Anawanna

Disclaimer: This chapter it's the theme song from "Salute Your Shorts" I don't own it, nor do I own Camp Anawanna. And I still don't own any HP characters.  
  
The Key to Success  
Ch1: Camp Anawanna  
  
Ron grinned out across the huge crowd. Two years had passed since the wizarding world first saw his advertisement for his, Harry, and Hermione's detective agency. Since then, he had been requested to direct hundreds of advertising endeavors. He had been reluctant to leave the company that he and his two best friends had worked so hard to get off the ground, however, little over a year after their commercial aired, they had eradicated nearly all wrong-doers and business fell apart.  
  
Harry and Hermione had taken the news rather well, actually. Ron, who already had a job as a director secured, hadn't been worried, and was rather surprised to find his friends taking it so well. Apparently, they had been waiting for the opportune time to ask him how he felt about closing shop; both had had enough with crime fighting and wished to start a new life again.  
  
It wasn't with remorse that they then closed down DTDS, rather with a sense of excitement at the possibilities that lay before them. Despite how they all lived different lives when it came to the working business, the three remained as close as ever. In fact, it was out of their friendship that the night's event was even occurring.  
  
Ron had made hundreds of commercials. There was no doubt about that. And after two years, Harry had comically suggested that they have an awards ceremony to honor the best of the best. And that was exactly what they were doing. Nearly everyone Ron had ever made a video for was present, all eager to relive their performances.  
  
"Good evening, everyone! Welcome to the first annual Weasley Productions Awards!" Ron shouted into the microphone, deafening every person present in the room.  
  
Ron laughed at the mistake and spoke in a normal voice, "Sorry 'bout that, folks. Well, a lot has happened for me these past two years. Directing has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. From producing my two best friend's commercials—"he glanced at Harry and Hermione "—to my family, to even Draco Malfoy. I've had a blast, and I'm thrilled that all of you have come out to relive it all."  
  
"Speak for yourself!" Malfoy shouted from the back, "I'm just here for the cash prize!"  
  
"Cash...?" Ron suddenly glared at Fred and George who whistled innocently. Rolling his eyes, Ron turned back to Malfoy, "No cash, Malfoy. Just the recognition on this publicized broadcast."  
  
Malfoy looked taken back, quickly shoving away a camera that had started to zoom in on him, "What good is that for!? That bloody commercial you made got me all the business I need!"  
  
Ron pretended to blush and waved off the compliment, "I daresay that's the nicest thing you've ever said, Malfoy."  
  
The blonde curled his lip, grumbling about how he knew who he was targeting next. Ron ignored him and continued on with his speech, "Anyway, continuing on with my speech—"he fumbled through his note cards "—Er...never mind. I guess that was it."  
  
He clapped his hands together, tossing his note cards over his shoulder, "On with the show! First up is the winner of 'Most Detrimental to the Producer in the Making.' And the winner, please."  
  
Malfoy could be heard muttering about how stupid a category it was and was promptly smacked upside the head by Ginny who sat a table away with her family.  
  
"And the winner is...Severus Snape: Camp Anawanna!" Ron said enthusiastically, waving the card in the air.  
  
Snape cankered slowly forward, only after being shoved forward by Dumbledore and McGonagall. Once he was on stage, Ron clapped his hand over his old professor's shoulders, "Good to see you again, Professor! Tell me, how do you feel knowing that you won this award."  
  
Snape's eyes were narrow, his arms crossed, as he said quietly through clenched teeth, "Weasley, get off."  
  
Ron cleared his throat, "Er, right! What a great speech! Let's hear it out for him everybody!"  
  
There was a dull applause and Ron laughed, "You know. You know, it's funny. I remember when we were making this, I wasn't even a producer! Remember, Professor, how you used inherited that camp from your uncle and made us all go there?"  
  
Snape didn't respond, but Ron went on anyway, "Boy, I sure do! That was one summer! And here, folks, you're going to see just the typical day Camp Anawanna had for everyone!"  
  
The lights started to dim and Ron walked off stage with Snape, his arm still slung over his shoulder as he continued to talk jovially.  
  
~*~  
  
All the Gryffindors from when the Dream Team used to attend Hogwarts were lined up on stands, Snape in front of them waving his arms back and forth, trying to direct them, though truly he had no idea what he was doing. The Gryffindors, knowing this, felt little motivation to sing at all:  
  
"We run, we jump, we swim and play  
We row and go on trips  
But the things that last forever,  
Our dear friendships"  
  
The Gryffindors, tired of being bored out of their minds, broke off simultaneously to different areas of the room. Snape, now at a piano, played it rather well:  
  
"Camp Anawanna"  
  
Ginny, who had discovered the joys of singing earlier that summer, sat beside Snape on the bench:  
  
"We hold you in our hearts"  
  
Dean and Seamus were jumping up and down in front of Lee Jordan who was recording the whole thing. Both boys were eager to get as much air time as the next:  
  
"And when we think about you—"  
  
Fred and George suddenly shouted at the top of their lungs from the back of the room:  
  
"It makes me wanna fart!"  
  
Snape glowered at the two stopped playing the piano as he raged at them with his wand erect:  
  
"It's 'I hope we never part'  
Now get it right or pay the price!"  
  
Snape sent a warning glance at Hermione who regarded him carefully as Snape started to play the piano again. She looked anywhere but him as she sang nervously:  
  
"Now we will share a lifetime  
Of the fondest memories"  
  
Lavender quietly crept toward the door closest to the lake side, determined to get some sunbathing in before summer ended:  
  
"By the lake of Anawanna"  
  
Parvati Patil quickly followed her:  
  
"Set in the old pine trees"  
  
Harry and Ron sat at a table, desperately wishing to be anywhere but there. Harry was dully fingering his wand:  
  
"Camp Anawanna"  
  
Ron suddenly stood up dramatically and clasped his hand over his heart, startling Harry. Ron seemed not to notice, though, as he sang:  
  
"We hold you in our hearts"  
  
Colin, who had just been preparing to snap a picture of Harry behind his back, sang, steadily losing attention to the song and sneaking up closer to Harry:  
  
"But when we think..."  
  
Harry turned around after the flash and raised and eyebrow at Colin who ran way, waving his camera in the air ecstatically. Neville, on the other hand, was busy trying to figure out how to work a fishing rod, his face growing more and more puzzled when all the line wire burst out of it's container. He blanched and tugged on Snape's robe:  
  
"This thing came apart..."  
  
Snape shoved him over into the group of remaining Gryffindors which he had already gathered. Taking his wand, he pointed to a display board. The kids sang the words:  
  
"Think Anawanna"  
  
Snape pointed to a different set of words:  
  
"Speak Anawanna"  
  
Snape pointed to yet another set of words:  
  
"Live Anawanna"  
  
Snape pointed to the final set of words on there "Love your counselor." The kids all dispersed in disgust:  
  
"Ugh!"  
  
~*~  
  
The lights flickered back on and a loud round of applause was heard. Snape sauntered back to his table, glad that he was at least finished with.  
  
"Just let me tell you," Ron started as he got back onto the stage, "That was no ordinary camp. Okay! Next category is..."  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, yes, most chapters are going to be like this. And, yes, all the songs will be theme songs! I don't really know why I thought of this...kind of a weird concept, but, hey, it's unique! You have to give it props for that! Well, this is chapter two, so if you're this far, hopefully you kinda like it? So maybe you'll sorta review? 


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